Healthy Body Positivity

My Personal Lessons About Healthy Body Positivity and Self-Esteem Learned the Hard Way

In high school, I witnessed one cousin’s body shaming when her mother insisted on my poor cousin going on a Weight Watchers program while being oblivious to the danger signals of her sister’s battle with anorexia until the sister collapsed at a Thanksgiving holiday gathering and had to be hospitalized. My cousin had inherited my grandmother’s “apple” body shape, which wasn’t in line with the mother’s “ideal” skinny appearance. Her sister was naturally thin, like the mother, with her body dysmorphia hidden from the rest of us.

And despite the dangerous lessons of my cousins, I went through my own body dysmorphia and self-hate in college a few years later. I found my tall, athletic body, which tended to pack pounds around my hips, entirely out of sync with the other pretty, thin girls in my college dormitory.

I desperately wanted to fit in and succumbed to the same ugly yo-yo dieting fads they followed instead of listening to my own body. Sadly, it was terrible advice, and none of us knew any better. As a result, my body suffered from severe PMS, mood swings, and even low-grade depression for years until I had a serious health scare and connected the dots, which was the beginning of my holistic health journey in my late 30s.

Now in my 60s, I have made peace with my body, and I love how strong and healthy it is, even if I will never look like my favorite French fashion models. I am built like a Mac truck, a Valkyrie, and an Amazonian to the core. After years of trial and error, I now wear what makes me feel good about myself, not what some dumb magazine tells me is currently in style.

Give me curvy straight jeans, harness boots or high-top sneakers, and a Scandi minimalist-style comfy sweater or leather biker jacket that fits me to a “T.” ROAR!!!! That being said, I adore my girlfriends who are into sweet vintage fashion and lacey lingerie that makes their luscious curves look like a million dollars. There is room in the changing room for all of us!!!

Body-Shaming Across Human History

While body-shaming is prevalent in modern times, it’s not a new phenomenon. Throughout history, different cultures and societies have imposed unattainable and discriminatory beauty standards. For example, in ancient Greece, physical strength and muscularity were revered, while in the Middle Ages, plumpness signified wealth and fertility. During the Victorian era, tiny waists and a fair complexion were considered ideal, while modern Western society favored slimness and youth.

Each historical period has had its beauty standards, often marginalizing those who didn’t meet them. Over time, these ideals have evolved, but the underlying effect of body shaming—the pressure to conform to societal expectations—has remained constant. The impact of this is horrible. It’s a damned if you do and damned if you don’t, no-win situation for all of us.

You are pressured to stay there if you fit the current social norms. And if you don’t, you get the shit end of feeling not good enough because your body doesn’t meet somebody else’s standards on what you are supposed to look like, even though you have little control over your body’s DNA. It’s time for each of us to reclaim ownership of our bodies and end the madness.

For giggles and grins, click on the images and check out these two pages! Men, don't laugh. You are not immune to cultural brainwashing, either. Go look up Renaissance codpieces. ROTFL. Makes me wonder what kind of Kool-Aid we were all drinking way back then.

Common Types of Body-Shaming

Body-shaming can manifest in various ways, often targeting specific aspects of a person’s appearance. Some of the most common forms include:

• Weight: Criticism for being too heavy or too thin. This can happen regardless of whether someone’s weight is healthy.
• Appearance: Negative remarks about someone’s facial features, skin tone, hair type, or other physical traits.
• Disabilities: People with physical or cognitive disabilities are often stigmatized or made to feel “less than” due to their differences.
• Age: Society often values youthfulness, which can lead to age-based body-shaming, particularly for older adults.

How People Experience Body Shaming

Body-shaming can happen in many ways, often through verbal or non-verbal remarks from people we know or strangers. Common sources of body shaming include:

• Family and Friends: Comments made by loved ones, even if unintentionally, can be very hurtful. These remarks can foster feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt.
• Peers and Strangers: The pressure to meet beauty standards increases in peer groups and among strangers, especially at school, work, and social events.
• Societal Norms: Media portrayals—from movies and TV shows to advertisements—often promote a limited view of what cultural influencers consider beautiful. These portrayals can lead to unrealistic expectations that individuals feel they need to meet.

For example, “body-positive” influencers may unintentionally reinforce the idea that only certain body types are acceptable or worth celebrating, excluding others.

Additionally, the prevalence of heavily edited photos and the pursuit of “Instagram perfection” can cause everyday people to feel that their natural selves fall short of the ideal. This duality—where body positivity is both praised and undermined—can make navigating social media especially difficult for those dealing with body image issues.

Steps to Developing Body Positivity and Overcoming Body-Shaming

If you’re struggling with body image issues, know that you’re not alone, and it is possible to heal. Here are some actionable steps to help develop body positivity and overcome body-shaming:

1. Build Self-Acceptance and Practice Healthy Habits:

• Face your inner demons and work on building your self-esteem. Practice affirmations that promote self-love. Find and support people who can appreciate you for being authentically you. Humans are meant to be in a community and thrive with positive connections. Learn and practice healthy boundaries and remove toxic relationships from your life.
• Focus on health, not appearance. Instead of chasing unrealistic beauty standards, nurture your body with nutritious food, exercise, and rest that makes you feel good.
• Avoid comparing yourself to others, especially regarding #Fitspiration or #Thinspiration trends. These can often promote unhealthy behaviors that undermine your self-worth. I experienced this last year as I worked on rebuilding my body’s strength and health. Finding a fitness and healthy diet program that doesn’t feed this destructive behavior is tough since I am naturally competitive!

2. Challenge Stereotypes and Cultural Body Ideals:

• Learn to recognize and call out body-shaming behaviors when you see them, whether in your conversations, on social media, or in the media you consume. Recognize that these ideals are often arbitrary and changeable. Be aware that someone always benefits from promoting these behaviors, which may be at your expense.
• Promote diversity in your media consumption. Follow accounts and brands representing all types of bodies, abilities, ages, and races.

3. Practice Empathy and Kindness:

• If someone is experiencing body shaming or struggling with self-esteem, offer support and encouragement. Avoid judgment, and instead, uplift them with kindness.
• Use your own experiences to help others feel less alone. Sometimes, a kind word can have a profound impact.

4. Support Positive Brands and Organizations:

• Choose cosmetics, fashion, and health brands that promote inclusivity and body acceptance. Support businesses that celebrate all bodies, as these companies are helping to reshape societal norms.
• Look for organizations that promote mental and physical well-being over appearance. Vote with your dollars and support those who value diverse body types.

5. Lead by Example:

• Embrace your body positivity, even on tough days. By demonstrating self-acceptance, you inspire others to do the same.
• Be vocal about the importance of body acceptance. Your actions and words can create ripple effects that help change the conversation around body image.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES: